the summer of nothing

I am having the most boring summer ive ever had! I cannot wait to move to california...3 weeks away! I have done nothing this summer...at least i got to go home for a weekend, during which i lost my job because my boss is rude. But i am focused on getting my stuff ready to move. although thats not fun at all because i have also been living alone in a big house for a month and its a mess and my room is a disaster so i dont know where to start when it comes to getting rid of stuff...the air also went out in my car so i need $600 to fix that....the list goes on and on. once I get out of az I should start feeling a little better though! trying to visit cali this next weekend so i can look at apartments for me and becca. we have 4 top choices so i hope that one of them works out. crossing my fingers!!!

⓸ ☁ ☂ ✌ ♲ ♬ ♏ ☮

peace

malmil

My workout attempts

So, the rumors are true, not that there were any rumors, but I FINALLY joined a gym. I am so excited about it because I have been wanting to get back in shape for 4 years now. After I was cut from the soccer team and then asked to come back because soccer was a "no cut" spot and then didn't play all season because the coach wanted to cut me...well I was a senior in high school and that was a little sad to say the least. Then they hired a freshman's mom to coach varsity basketball (MY sport) and so in protest of a freshman dominant (more like ALL freshman) season I walked out of tryouts and didn't play. So I haven't really done any sort of exercise since I was a junior in high school...I think its abut time (senior year in college).

I joined Pure Fitness and I get to have a trainer and everything. My body fat % is...a little high...OK way higher than it should be. Well I've been proud of myself, I even got a pair of running shoes and have been running (more like walking and choking on my own breath) outside. But the way I see it, I leave here in August (fingers crossed) and I have until then to get in shape and build some muscle.

I have also been eating healthy and having smaller meals more often so I keep my metabolism up. Well after the past couple weeks of hell I have gone through I have really started to feel good. Now all I have to do is keep it up. Working out has helped me clear my head and focus on the important things, positive things, and myself.

Peace

malmil

Frustration

So this summer me and my bf of 5 1/2 years broke up. we were both fine with it and we were talking to each other and everything. it was really nice because i thought it was going to be crazy and really sad. well obviously i spoke too soon. i know that i cant be that jealous ex-girlfriend who keeps trying to push her way into her ex's life . . . but a relationship that lasted for 5 + years that ends doesnt just end like that. thats the problem with us. we decided to be friends and it was working out until he started to see this 17 year old girl (who by the way HAS a boyfriend) from work. he feels like he has to tell me everything, which is usually fine...but i already dont like the idea then i find out the LITTLE BABY girl is in a relationship and on top of that works under ryan at work which means he could get fired if anyone finds out. this was killing me because he could be throwing away everything he knows...all he knows is costco.

but besides that little issue i have, over all he has just changed a lot and has been lashing out at me and trying to hurt me. all i can think is that he is trying to protect himself and hurting me is helping him but that really sucks for me to say the least. and i was trying so hard not to say anything to him but one night i could not keep my mouth shut. after days of him wanting to talk and then ignoring me and making up reasons like "i lost my phone" or "i never got the text or missed call" (i would only call when he told me too...but then he wouldnt answer) etc....well i went off on him. i dont deserve this and so i let him know that. if he wants to talk to me and "be my friend" or whatever, he has to make an effort with me. none of my other friends treat me like he does so i just said if he cant treat me nice then we just cant be friends.

anyway to make myself feel better i made 3 CDs/playlists on my itunes. since i feel like my head is going to explode i needed something to straighten out all of my thoughts. now ryan asked me to send him the songs. he only knows that i made a playlist because he asked me if i was going to make one or if i already did (because i ALWAYS do). i think he wants to know what i put on it because he wants to know how i really feel, but honestly its such a mix of songs it confuses me...but thats why its in a specific order. but they are mostly for me not for him, so i might send it to him, but i might keep it to myself.

anyway after all that drama...these are the 3 CDs (in order):

*ps the third one is how i feel now*

ONE

1. Something - Across the Universe

2. 1973 - James Blunt

3. Love Story - Taylor Swift

4. Bed - J Holiday

5. Head Over Feet - Alanis Morissette

6. You Can Get it All - Bow Wow

7. Fallin' For You - Colbie Caillat

8. She is Love - Parachute

9. Suffocate - J Holiday

10. You're Beautiful - James Blunt

11. Chance on You - Jay Sean

12. Fifteen - Taylor Swift

13. Ordinary People - John Legend

14. How to Touch a Girl - Jojo

15. After Tonight - Justin Nozuka

16. Cannonball - Kings of Leon

17. First Time - Lifehouse

18. I've Just Seen a Face - Across the Universe

19. Anyone Else but You - Michael Cera and Ellen Page

20. Butterflies - Michael Jackson

21. In Your Eyes - Peter Gabriel

22. Hate that I Love You - Rihanna and Ne-Yo

23. When You Really Love Someone - Alicia Keys

TWO

1. Until U Come Back - Akon

2. Breathe - Taylor Swift

3. Inconsolable - Backstreet Boys

4. Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart - Alicia Keys

5. Don't Walk Away - Bethany Joy Lenz

6. Save Us - Cartel

7. Never Say Never - The Fray

8. Whatchya Say - Jason Derulo

9. Climbing the Walls - Backstreet Boys

10. From the Damage - O Town

11. Teardrops On My Guitar - Taylor Swift

12. Memories - Backstreet Boys

13. The Winner Takes It All - ABBA

14. Honestly - Bethany Joy Lenz

15. I Hate Myself For Losing You - Kelly Clarkson

16. The Minstrel's Prayer - Cartel

17. Trouble Is - Backstreet Boys

18. How Do I Breathe - Mario Barrett

19. Part of the List - Ne-Yo

20. Gotta Be Somebody - Nickelback

21. You Can't Break a Broken Heart - Kate Voegele

22. I Don't Believe You - Pink

23. Halo - Bethany Joy Lenz

24. Cry - Rihanna

25. Goodbye To You - Michelle Branch

THREE (my favorite and the most songs hmmmm)

1. Gives You Hell - The All-American Rejects

2. No Surprise - Daughtry

3. I Will Love Again - Lara Fabian

4. Who's Got Your Money - Tina Parol

5. How Do You Sleep - Jesse McCartney

6. Don't Stay - Linkin Park

7. A Perfectly Good Heart - Taylor Swift

8. How You Love Me Now - Hey Monday

9. Not Meant to Be - Theory of a Dead Man

10. The Last Song - The All-American Rejects

11. Picture to Burn - Taylor Swift

12. Armageddon - Jessica Jarrell

13. Goodbye - Kristina Debarge

14. Now I'm That Bitch - Livvi Franc

15. So Sick of Love Songs - Ne-Yo

16. Already Gone - Kelly Clarkson

17. Again I go Unnoticed - Dashboard Confessional

18. Call Me When You're Sober - Evanescence

19. My Happy Ending - Avril Levigne

20. I Don't Need a Man - Pussycat Dolls

21. All Cried Out - Allure and 112

22. Too Little Too Late - Jojo

23. Bye Bye Boyfriend - Fefe Dobson

24. She Ain't Got Shit On Me - LeToya Luckett

25. It's All Your Fault - Pink

26. Hate (I Really Don't Like You) - Plain White T's

so thats the list. otherwise im living in this house (with 5 other ppl 2 dogs and my cat) its been raining in AZ for 2 days, there is a flood warning, lightning/thunder storms and a TORNADO warning in effect right now.....so things are crazy hahaha. and im trying to graduate in may (by graduate i mean walk at graduation...i still have at least one more semester lest at ASU :( but thats ok) and. . . thats life! ahh!

peace love

malmil